To Have and to Hold: Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma

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Alice knows she should be happy. A charming twenty-eight-year-old with a successful catering business, she’s always dreamed of a rose-covered cottage in the English countryside, filled with children and animals and home-cooked meals. Her favorite attire is comfy jeans, her best manicure features garden dirt under the nails. But when her teenage crush—the wealthy, dashing man-about-town Joe Chambers—wants to make her his bride, Alice is more than willing to play Cinderella to Joe’s prince. Never mind that he wants her to change—a diet, ice-blond highlights, stilettos, snooty gallery openings—and that he’s allergic to nature and kids. She tells herself she’s happy to sacrifice for love, and besides, with Joe’s stunning good looks and high-profile career at a top financial firm, every woman in London wants to be in her shoes. Mothers often feel a wholly new relationship to time when they have a baby. That's normal. It's OK not to use every free moment to its utmost potential and instead to relax. Printed in the Riverside Literature Series (1934) with introduction notes and suggestions by Grace Shoup. A clinical psychologist’s exploration of the modern dilemmas women face in the wake of new motherhood. She joined the ABC News team to write their first enhanced digital book— about the history of Royal marriages, then joined ABC News as a live correspondent covering Prince William’s wedding to Kate Middleton.

When Molly Millwood became a mother, she was fully prepared for what she would gain: an adorable baby boy; hard-won mothering skills; and a messy, chaotic, beautiful life. But what she did not expect was what she would lose: aspects of her identity, a baseline level of happiness, a general sense of wellbeing. And though she had the benefit of a supportive husband during this transition, she also at times resented the fact that the disruption to his life seemed to pale in comparison to hers. Together with writing books and blogs, she contributes to various publications, both online and print, including anthologies and novellas, and features for The Huffington Post, The Sunday Times, Cosmopolitan and Self. She has taught at writers conferences, and does regular keynote speaking, and has a weekly column in The Lady magazine, England’s longest running weekly magazine. the wife Alice was blind to all the signs which keeps nagging the wife that something is fishy,she keeps herself busy by socializing and in their country house,the hubby Joe just can't seem to have control on his lust ,seemed to be any woman who walked by he wanted to have sex with her,he is addicted to sex and seemed to me he might have missed out some therapy sessions in teens that is why now at age 38 he needed counseling and therapy on how to control his sexual urges Hidup Alice berubah sewaktu perusahaan tempat Joe bekerja mentransfer Joe ke New York karena Joe ketauan berselingkuh dengan Josie, salah satu karyawan perusahaan itu.Y es que Hechizada está narrado a través de múltiples puntos de vista, de todos los personajes involucrados. Sabemos qué piensan personajes como Alice, Joe, Emily, Harry o Josie... Pero también otros muchos personajes secundarios que no aportan demasiado y que realmente no necesitaban su propio punto de vista. Así que, aunque Alice desconozca (o finja desconocer) qué hace su marido cuando no está en casa, el lector lo sabe en todo momento, y me voy a detener aquí un segundo porque necesito desahogarme: Joe es el personaje más repugnante que me he encontrado en mucho tiempo. On changing relationship dynamics: "Generally, a new mother is primarily concerned with getting adequate support in caring for the new baby, and a new father is primarily concerned--though perhaps less consciously--with the fear that he has been usurped by the baby. Indeed, the feeling new fathers often have in relation to their wives is one of being irrelevant, or at least less relevant than they used to be, and this is typically a very painful feeling to bear." (169) But that’s just the problem. Despite Alice’s efforts to be the perfect wife, Joe soon reveals a penchant for being hopelessly unfaithful. When a notorious indiscretion with a female colleague forces Joe to transfer to New York, Alice’s life turns upside down. As Joe continues to sneak around, and her best friend’s beau offers a tempting glimpse of what real love could be like, Alice must decide how much Cinderella she can take before her deepest desires win out—and if she can summon up the courage to find real happiness on her own. Cinco años después, Alice y Joe siguen felizmente casados... Bueno, más o menos, porque Joe siempre está trabajando y casi no se ven, a Alice esa vida glamurosa que llevan no le acaba de gustar y encima ahora, a causa del trabajo de Joe, se tienen que ir a vivir a Nueva York. Pero una vez en Estados Unidos Alice cumplirá por fin su verdadero sueño: vivir en una encantadora casita en el campo, una casa que perteneció a una escritora que tenía muchas cosas en común con Alice y que hará ver a esta que su matrimonio es de todo menos de color de rosa. Fast-moving . . . entertaining . . . a roller-coaster ride of serendipitous fun.” — Publishers Weekly on Mr. and Miss Anonymous

I enjoyed how conversational Millwood's book feels, like you're not being lectured at but actually seen, that your feelings are valid and your fears are taken seriously. Millwood covers a range of important topics, such as the loss of self, the isolating state of modern American motherhood, the very real stress that children bring to a marriage, and how to move forward with your new life. Millwood works to correct her "dismay at how many books there are about pregnancy and childbirth and how few books there are about the complete metamorphosis we undergo once we become parents." (86) To Have and to Hold is the story of an English soldier, Ralph Percy, turned Virginian explorer in colonial Jamestown. Ralph buys a wife for himself– a girl named Jocelyn Leigh– little knowing that she is the escaping ward of King James I, fleeing a forced marriage to Lord Carnal. Jocelyn hardly loves Ralph and, indeed, she seems to abhor him. Carnal, Jocelyn's husband-to-be, eventually comes to Jamestown, unaware that Ralph Percy and Jocelyn Leigh are man and wife. Hechizada, al menos, tiene un buen mensaje, y es el de que no tenemos que aceptar cambiar todo lo que nos define para ser aceptados por otra persona que nunca nos querrá como somos realmente, y, como dice Alice en cierto momento, los cabrones tienen su punto sexy pero son maridos horribles: mejor buscar alguien bueno, que nos cuide, y con el que podamos formar una vida en común y envejecer. Joe is a serial womaniser and often goes home with a different woman after ring Alice to inform her he will not be home as he has to work late yet again. Alice has her suspicions but never talks about it to Joe.As she explains, women have an innate, attuned sensitivity to their babies because of their prenatal relationship and hormonal changes. Dads, on the other hand, have to actively work to develop a bond with their babies, and become attuned through practice and repetition. However, she isn't willing to accept this as a signal that maybe it is really okay if Mom is the one who does most of the childcare, while Dad is the primary provider and is involved secondarily in child-rearing. This arrangement doesn't work for everyone, and isn't possible when the family's survival depends on two incomes, but she is amazingly resistant to accepting that it's okay for some people to take their cues from biology. She is completely unwilling to give up on the idea that parents should have equal investments in childcare, and even though she provides great advice about how dads can get more involved and develop deep bonds with their babies, her preconceived notions distort this part of the book.

Ho preso questo libro un po' di anni fa e finalmente ho avuto l'occasione di leggerlo anche se devo dire che mi ha un po' deluso.Sparrow argues that the Indians are sincere, that they do not, as Percy insists, wear a “mask.”“Believe it or not, it is so,” Percy warns his friend. “That dark, cold, still face is a mask, and that simple-seeming amazement at horses and armor, guns and blue beads, is a mask. It is in my mind that some fair day, the mask will be dropped.” Kebetulan (*sigh*) Harry yang sudah putus dengan Emily, mendapat tawaran bekerja di sebuah nursery di dekat rumah desa Alice.